Warning: If I get one more text/phone call from someone pretending to ask how I am (but actually checking that I am not in labour) I will not be held responsible for my actions...

So, I am currenntly into my third week of maternity leave and baby no 2 is officially due this weekend. It is currently Thursday. What are you moaning about I hear you ask?

Well, I was convinced throughout my pregnancy that this baby would be early. Not too early mind, perhaps two or three weeks. Due to the nature of my job I am constantly on my feet and walking around and after 28 weeks I could noticeably feel baby's presence down below... kind of like having a bowling ball between your legs! Each midwife appointment brought the exclamations of 'ooh you're measuring big for your dates' and 'see you next time... or perhaps not!'

So understandably when I reached 38 weeks I was slightly surprised that baby had not made an appearence yet. But that was fine. Maternity leave can only be described as bliss. It is so fantastic to have time to yourself before baby is born, especially when your job is very stressful and intense. I had no trouble forgetting about work! I have been enjoying taking daughter No 1 into school and picking her up. My house does not look like a bomb has hit it and in fact I may go so far as to claim that it is actually clean! The nursery is complete and looks amazing. I have been out wandering the local shopping centres - such a pleasure during the week when it is not busy. I have even had lunch in a little cafe (by myself!). This was not such an ordeal as it may seem; I actually love my own company. It felt quite liberating to enter, sit down, order food, eat and pay all alone. I have had cosy, gossipy nights in with my girlfriends and civilised dinners with other couples/families. I have also gone for lunch with friends and even met my Dad for lunch - so quite a lot of eating out has taken place! In fact, quite a lot of eating full stop. I am reading again, now that I have some time, and making plans for fun things to look forward to when baby has arrived.

Sounds like a good life I hear you say. Well, indeed it is. But now I'm afraid comes the rant. I am currently 39weeks + 5 days preganant and I feel it. I am huuuuuuuuuge. Nothing fits me. I have to undo my maternity jeans. Fortunately I do not seem to have put on weight everywhere, it is all baby, but nevertheless it is disconcerting when I cannot bend to pick something up from the floor or put on my own shoes! It is agony to turn over in bed and words cannot explain the frustration of having to get up six times a night to empty your bladder, especially when your bathroom is on the ground floor. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I have tried all manner of labour inducing tricks - please don't be judgemental - I am now 39 weeks and baby is ready. I have a nephew who was born at 28 weeks and so can understand the stress and worry of having a premature baby, I would not wish that on anyone. But my baby is fully cooked now and I'm trying to gently nudge him/her into the right direction. I have walked for miles. I have been bouncing on a giant space hopper! (It's pretty much the same as a birthing ball!) I have been walking up and down the stairs sideways -  midwife's instructions. I have (warning - TMI) been having lots of sex, well, certainly as much as I can manage. My poor husband is ever so obliging, it can't be much fun having a giant whale huffing and puffing in bed with you. I have warned him he will not get any for weeks, possibly months after the birth and so to make the most of it while he can!

So after all my efforts, baby is still refusing to arrive. I know, I know, baby will come when he/she is ready. I just have a very comfortable womb. I have created a warm, safe, comforting environment which is nice to know. Daughter No 1 was 4 days late and I have a feeling this baby will follow suit. I'm just so frustrated because second babies are 'suppposed' to arrive earlier (and more quickly). Still, it has been nearly 10 years since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and I love her more and more each day, so I suppose a few extra days waiting for baby no 2 is manageable - I know it will all be worth it in the end. But in the words on Verucca Salt... I want it NOW!

Come on baby! Let's be having you!